oh, i understand the
desire to walk, to roam
going on aimlessly- no –
continuously
& more so recently
& recently
ive just been trying
to quite literally
fill the void
in the pit of
my soft aching
belly
and how it desires to feel
not just full
but more complete
im not sure its possible
i think we’re always seeking:
that empty-2-release
& then repeat

seeking retreat & respite in some way
we often live our lives on the edges
without fully sinking in
giving in
to comfort or the
uncomfortable negative space
im doing my best
but day after day i get sick
of waking up and doing it
over & over again
just to see my own face in the mirror at the end of it all

when theres so much more out there

but when im hiding from myself
on the other side of the wall
i cant see anything. just the dead end of the world, a screen, the hollowness of feeling we’re all experiencing- its virtually numbing. succumbing to the void. annoyed with myself but i cant help it either. just keep typing to the ether. sleep and try again to morrow, after its all evaporated and ive forgotten
again

been sitting at tables
in bars
just observing people
being, doing
more kissing, more touching
more love, more life
as we march
fwd
yes, in march
crossing
xx
simulation sounds//
sx, sw
which means, perhaps,
more
capricorns
and yes, more
aquarians
age of, before
mercury starts spinning backwards
soon.
i dont mind the pda
better than hate id say
(i think we.d all agree)
keeping people an arms length away
come closer now

and im left wondering
is love a limited time offer?
are we going to be forced to sell ourselves short
before time runs out?
and when will that be?
will there be enough lovers to go around?
will everyone find a perfect fit
a perfect match? or
will some be left
with knock offs,
previously altered,
cheap imitations
of what they had in mind
settling
instead of ‘settling down’

or worse yet
turned away
empty handed
told

“im so sorry
we’ve sold out
of everything that would work for
someone your type. your particular shape & size. no, ive never come across another one of a kind like that. maybe it was a once in a lifetime find”

i do not think there is an website where you can search for your reallife.missedthemark.match.com/ebay kind of strangelove…

but maybe.
there
just
May. Be.

certainly,
we aspire to be
higher life forms
– intelligence –
but privately?
worship beauty
which fades
and which
like false idols
will crumble
turn to dust
and blow away
for all of this is temporary
a mirage

we
are
vapid

and these images
vapor

come back, celia. we’re all waiting for you

realizing
you are trapped
on the other side of the looking glass
drowning in water, though you seem so
thirsty
and im just frowning

what can i do
its concerning
watching you swirling
in that mass
appeal

i dont know how to help you
or if i can/if you want help/if you’re even trying to get out
it’s hard to decipher, but one thing is clear
not how you might think, but the truth is
we live
on different sides of the
screen
out here i’m hard wired, looking in, tapping the glass
with acrylics
-i can be flexible-
but youre lost inside/mired
you bought the lie theyve been selling
the image
seems
so glossy
and i dont know
how to get through
this broken mirror
or if i care anymore

-i guess perhaps i do
since here i am
writing this
love letter to you
acknowledging in kind
our different coordinates
in space and time
rendering this
an ending of sorts•]

and i hear too many people
saying
‘im sorry’
and
too few acknowledgements
of truths
finding beauty in what is real
i dont see enough people
with their arms outstretched
to embrace each other
or accept the gifts
so many of us
are willingly
offering

yet–
so many takers
and so many sellers
fewer lovers
more loners
i have nothing left to lose
why not break open
all these
false walls
and find out
the worst that will
happen
it is unnecessary
to apologize
for our humanity
for my humanity
it is not that
fra gil  e

an archival revival
unfolding notes and folding
in on myself
to fold again/paper planes/
we boomerang and butterfly effect-
-ively reflecting
on the past in such a fashion as only one who is snapping quickly from it can
a learning curve, that teaching moment
and just as quickly as that insight occurred, it evaporates
like a camera flash, the speed of shutters
opening and closing
flicker/flutter
like eyes, lenses
quickly
giving clarity to another time, briefly
before refocusing
on the present

now i get it
how we’re
different people
when we need to be
we say i love you, i do, i mean it boo
but, we know whos real and we know whos faking too

these days
clarity comes more easily
we find ourselves in the inbetween
we laugh more heartily
sigh less often
we let the tears flow
much less frequently

and we let go because gravity
is made up
and we can stay up
all night if we want to

upside down, doors unhinged, accidents so many times before we fix the past with presence

its your party baby dance if you want to
yeah cry if you need to
lets take a ride on this new frequency

but make it last/lets take a risk
we dont care if we crash
we need to bleed
we’re dying to feel alive

but we want to heal
peel off the scabs
earn the pain 
that comes with a life lived
more ________________

before this trip ends